Archive for the ‘boyfriends’ Category
Relationships, Marriage & Sex by Sunny Delyte
I wanted to touch base on this because so many people I know are now married, and some facing problems when it comes to sex. Most guys or people think that once you get married sex slows down until it’s a rare occasion. Or their wife isn’t open to trying new things to spice up the marriage or keep it new & fresh.
Withholding sex is a stupid idea especially when you’re married, at least in my opinion it is. What does that accomplish? I’ll wait for a legitimate answer. People have needs, and needs need to be met.
Sex is not the top priority in a relationship, this I know. But seriously, this is the person that you have committed to spending the rest of your life with; why not make sure they are completely satisfied?
Some people who have get married, knew that the person they decided to marry was like that to begin with. So why are they shocked that things didn’t change? In this case, I feel no sympathy for them. Like really, if she wasn’t going down on you the whole time before y’all got married, why would she start now? LOL.
Before you guys get married or sometime in your relationship you should have discussed sex and things of that nature. Explain what you expect of your partner and let them explain it to you. Discuss things that you don’t agree on and if you can’t seem to work things out, then maybe that might tell you something.
What are your thoughts on withholding sex in a relationship and/or marriage? What are your thoughts on sex in marriage?
I was immediately (secretly) excited about the second season of The Real L Word. After the first season, it was a show I hated to love and it was truly a guilty pleasure. This season I was excited because not only did they cast a black lesbian, but they also chose to cast a lesbian couple in the process of trying for a baby. Now, anyone who truly knows me is well aware that I cannot wait to make babies and expand my family. Watching this couple, Kaci and Cory share their baby making journey was the highlight of the season for me… but that’s not the total purpose of this post. I want to discuss the type of support people expect and ultimately receive from their partner.
This thought sparked in me because through the entire season, I was in complete awe when I saw how Kaci chose to deal with her girlfriend, Cory. Naturally, getting pregnant can be quite trying for a straight couple – so imagine the frustrations of a lesbian couple. Initially in their journey, the two intended to have a friend donate his sperm to aid them in fertility, but when they fell through – they turned to a sperm bank. Between choosing a donor, waiting for ovulation, waiting for fertilization and ultimately having a spoiled specimen, the two rode an emotional roller coaster.
There were a couple of times when Cory became a tad emotional (the scene when they are in the car and she is in search of fake cigarettes, when they find out one of the sperm samples has spoiled and when she feels Kaci is yelling at her). I am not saying that she didn’t have just cause for these emotions, but I am just pointing out times when her strong emotions were apparent. Nonetheless, you see that Kaci is always calm with her, always attempting to calm and soothe and never makes her hurt or frustration obvious. I was always completely impressed with the way she emotionally supported Cory and how weak and vulnerable Cory was able to be with her partner. Granted, I am sure Kaci has her moments and her faults, but in these moments, I found her to be amazing and I have truly deemed them one of my favorite couples.
I truly respect a partner who knows how to be both weak and strong. Kaci dropped her own tears and made her own points known, but ultimately she was who her partner needed her to be, when she needed her most. To find comfort and security in a relationship is beyond imperative. There should be no doubt in your mind that when you are at your lowest, whether it be emotionally or otherwise, that your partner will be able to not only stand by you – but have the patience and understanding necessary to see you through this.
I tried to think of a few reasons a partner might be a poor support system:
- The don’t understand why their partner feels the way they do.
- They are so busy being concerned with themselves, they are unable to be concerned with anyone else.
- The intensity of what their partner is feeling is too much for them to handle.
- They don’t actually know how to comfort or support their partner.
- They lack patience.
- They themselves are weak.
What are a few other reasons?… are these reasons justifiable?
I attempted to find a clip of one of the interactions between both Cori and Kaci, but Showtime has YouTube locked up tight. Instead, I found the one the initial interviews in which Kaci discusses the show and their relationship.
A part of the interview that truly melted my heart was when Kaci remarks that she supports/stands by Cory in anything – even when she is wrong. To me, that is a part of unconditional love. I believe you SHOULD let your partner know they are wrong, but you should stand by them regardless. Further, I really enjoyed hearing her say that after 5 years, they have finally reached a place where Cory completely trusts Kaci and believes in the fact that they will be together forever… I could imagine that there was many a frustration over the years in trying to get Cory to reach this point, nonetheless, Kaci stuck it through.
In a relationship, how supportive are you? If asked, could your partner past or present say they were able to rely on you to bring them through anything? I know for myself, I am extremely passionate and emotional. There was many a time in the past where I held a lot of things back from my partners – solely because I knew they would never understand me – let alone be capable of supporting me in the way I needed. This relationship however, is very different. Have you been a person that your partners could depend on? or have you had difficulty in being a part of them in that way?
On the flip side, have you found yourself able to find true support in your partners past or current? When you have been weak mentally and emotionally, have you been able to take this weight and confide in them? Has there ever been an instance where you may have felt you could depend on them, be vulnerable and expose your weakness, only to realize that ultimately you had to bare these alone? Let’s talk about it.