Archive for the ‘polls’ Category
Topic by request (I hope this is discussed in the manner you were looking forward to):
How important is sex in your relationship? If you are single, how important is sex in your life or dating life? Is it something you are willing to go without for long periods of time? We have discussed this last part before, but do you have a standard waiting period before having sex with someone?
So, you have been with your partner about 9 months. The first time you had sex was about a month after making things official and your sex life has been hot and heavy ever since. Neither of you have any complaints when it comes to you meetings in the bedroom. But then, you are blindsided. Your partner comes to you and says that they are doing some self cleansing and reflection. Part of their process is a period of celibacy. How do you react? I mean, if your partner is practicing celibacy, now you are too. Is that a fair limitation to put on you? Is this something that you could accept? How long would you be willing to let this last?
For my friends that are more into the single lifestyle or who are just dating around, how long do you go in between sexual encounters? If you are dating someone regularly, or exclusively, the question doesn’t apply to you. I am asking of those who are truly practicing the old school dating lifestyle and enjoying the company of multiple people here and there at their leisure. How much time passes before you’ve just GOT TO HAVE IT?
Finally, do you have minimum time period in dating, exclusivity or a relationship? What I mean is, do you have a 3 month, 6 month, one year rule? What are your guidelines? Must you be in a relationship prior to engaging in sex? or do you just need reassurance that you are the only sexual partner?
I know this is a lot, lol. But I would really like your thoughts on one, two or all three of these. Finally, take the polls.
For myself, I’ve never had a time limit rule. Is that bad? I just don’t feel that something of that nature can be universal. I have certainly had sex with some people way sooner than others, while some had to wait an extended period of time before we came close to doing anything. As far as commitment is concerned, I haven’t forced my sexual partners to commit to me first either. The only real limitation that has popped up time and time again is that they be tested prior to. But I must admit, that has not been universally across the board either. I follow what I feel in the moment and ultimately what I feel for that person… and yes, my hormones in the moment are a factor as well.
As far as celibacy is concerned, I was celibate for 8 months at one point. It was following my break up with my first. She and I had been together for a year and a half and I wanted to be sure I completely had her out of my system before I slept with anyone else. Don’t get me wrong though, I dated, but there was no funny business. For me, going without sex was simple because I just wasn’t connecting with those women in a way that made me feel any drive. Naturally, when I found a woman that ignited enough urge in me, the celibacy run flew right out the window.
ANYWAYS! enough about me, I want to talk about you. Hit me with the feedback.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder?
Out of sight, out of mind?
I am exploring these two drastic opposites today. Well, I have actually been thinking these two thoughts over for quite some time. I think I have honestly received a 50/50 response to this question. I am thoroughly perplexed.
Someone told me that in order for the heart to grow fonder, you have to be on top of your game at all times and can leave no room for error. She further claims that you have to go leaps and bounds further than the average to maintain their interest. She also said that you walk on eggshells a bit more. Her argument is that if you are to mess up, it is so much easier to dismiss you from a distance. Had the two of you been a bit closer to one another, you could probably push towards the making up…….. She further states:
“You had better be damn creative. You have to find ways to substitute the physical interaction. You have to be twice as perceptive. You have to know your partner so well you are able to comfort them in the worst of times while being no where around. You have to always maintain lines of communication. When you can no longer communicate (which is essential all you have) you are bound to collapse.” All valid points.
Another friend suggested that once you are out of sight, you are out of mind. She argues that there are just entirely too many people in the world for you to be strong competition from where ever you may be at. Her claim is that attractive, witty and desirable women come a dime a dozen and questions what is so spectacular about you that someone should wait. (She’s a tough one) She states that most importantly, you will be lacking the all too crucial ‘physical’ aspect of your relationship and that no relationship can survive without regular physical interaction.
Let me interject here. I had to devil’s advocate a bit…….. Now, as a cuddlebug I can respect the ultra strong urge for the physical. However, I cannot say that I necessarily agree with the idea that a relationship will fail without it. Granted, there are times you will want to hug, kiss or hold that individual, but wouldn’t the fire lit inside of you for THEM drive your focus more in their direction? She claims:
“Yes, for a while…. Except at some point, there will be someone who catches their eye in a way that you cannot. At some point, someone is going to come along that is acceptable enough to take your place in all aspects…… It’s simply a matter of time” OUCH!
Speaking from experience, I must say, these were all valid points worth considering. There are certainly great odds stacked against a couple that has any type of inconvenient distance between them. My charge is this: Distance only works if the two people are on the same page at all times. The moment you have someone feeling different from the other, you are set for failure. As previously mentioned, communication is key. If you cannot verbally connect with this person, there is no connection at all. When you are missing the physical, you literally have to bond on on an emotional, mental and spiritual level. Hell, it takes work!
I further charge that long distance situations do not work because one or both individuals stops trying….. I know (back in the day) I was guilty of giving up way before my relationship ended and it wasn’t due to the lack of physical interaction.
I believe the bottom line is your ability to pull one another in when you are in each others presence. The connection you build when together is essentially what drives you to come back. With a strong bond and connection, I firmly believe that distance will make the heart grow fonder.