I’m an Explorer.. (repost)

I’ve always loved to find things from within.
Treasures tucked away from wandering eyes.
They’re not  just available to a passerby.
These items must be sought.
I am an explorer, who explores caves.

Deep.
Small.
Tight.
Dark.
Hidden.

I’m an explorer, who explores caves.
I don’t need supplies.
I rarely need to prepare.
I make my way in.and find my way deep inside.
I’m an explorer, who explores caves.

She lets me in and I open her up.
I use my fingers to find my way through.
I’ve fallen asleep inside.
The walls have caved in on me.
I’m explorer, who explores caves.

WordPlay – 20

Inadequate (adj): not adequate; insufficient; also: not capable

 

So, why did I chose this word? Well, to be perfectly honestly, sometimes this incredible feeling of inadequacy overwhelms me. Can I pinpoint those instances, surely – but that’s not the purpose of this post. When I feel inadequate, or as if I have failed (or simply not surpassed my own expectations) I feel completely inadequate. I can even admit that I take it to heart and it sits in me until I have rectified the situation. Well, what happens when I can’t fix it.. when I can’t be better.. when I have to accept that there is simply something I can’t accomplish? I take it incredibly personal. It hurts my heart. It stays on my mind. It makes me question a million things linked to that one isolated experience.

How can I fix this? Well, I am not sure. I have spent my entire life setting goals and then accomplishing them. I am blessed enough to say that many of my major accomplishments I have seen complete… Is that why not accomplishing something (no matter how small) upsets me so much? Am I aiming too high? I am being anal? Am I expecting more of myself than I am capable of? These are all things that sit within me – twisted around the feeling in the pit of my stomach that keeps screaming inadequate. sigh What to do?